Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize