plz talk dirty to me
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
