if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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