there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
