My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
