Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
