He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
