This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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