When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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