We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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