ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
