youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Four minutes until I can fart!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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