To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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