he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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