My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
