I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
