i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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