My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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