Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize