margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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