All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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