he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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