I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize