Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
