idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
