If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
