This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i believe in u and ur pee
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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