im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Randomize
