He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
