brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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