ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize