so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
