Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
