You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
