Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
