I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
