oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
