He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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