I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
