Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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