How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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