Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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