I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
