it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
