White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
