weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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