walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
