We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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