your thong is hanging out like whoa
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
