the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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