and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
