Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
