Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
