She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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