So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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