the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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