And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
