3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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