Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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