I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
