Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
