Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
