why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
