I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
