Rock
Scissors
Fuck
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
