She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
the liver wants what the liver wants
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
