Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
