Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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