I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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