I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
