So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
