my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
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